A walk by the beach
A walk by the beach today, sipping our drinks, talking about everything and nothing. Slightly over 2 years ago, we were at a beach far away from here, sitting in silence, occasionally talking about turning 20..how it felt too soon, and we wondered how we would change. I don’t know how much we have changed, maybe we are less self-conscious, less hesitant, more rational. Maybe we are the same two girls running to the oceanside in the early hours of the mornings in our ghastly pink jackets to catch the sunrise, feeling so removed from reality, living in the moment. I don’t know. Today you said you do feel 22, and that realization is tinged with sadness and relief. A part of you wanting to go back and do it all over again, another part of you never wanting to step back into those tumultuous years again. Guess we are slowly learning to embrace our age.
As for change, I think we are always changing, through circumstance or choice, but the core of us remains more or less unchanged. At least that is what I think for now. I can say with much certainty that I’m no longer an introspective and idealistic teen. No, I’ve grown…I’m now an introspective and idealistic 22 year old. Looking back at my early journal entries, I can recognize my own voice in my questioning tone, tendency to overanalyze the most insignificant of things and in my musings about life. Yet, I’ve changed so much since then, in other ways. And I wonder about the changes the future will bring. Wonder what we’ll say about change when we are sixty, watching the sun rise over the horizon by the beach, sipping our drinks... talking about everything and nothing.
We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells,
constellations.- Anais Nin
As for change, I think we are always changing, through circumstance or choice, but the core of us remains more or less unchanged. At least that is what I think for now. I can say with much certainty that I’m no longer an introspective and idealistic teen. No, I’ve grown…I’m now an introspective and idealistic 22 year old. Looking back at my early journal entries, I can recognize my own voice in my questioning tone, tendency to overanalyze the most insignificant of things and in my musings about life. Yet, I’ve changed so much since then, in other ways. And I wonder about the changes the future will bring. Wonder what we’ll say about change when we are sixty, watching the sun rise over the horizon by the beach, sipping our drinks... talking about everything and nothing.
We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells,
constellations.- Anais Nin
posted by Rein at 12:31 AM
2 Comments:
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I like this: "The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations."
I had the urge to comment to this when I first read it last week but somehow just didn't get down to writing. It's funny how we've changed so much and so little over the years...In many ways, we seem to be the same two seven-year-old girls lining up next to each other, being sarcastic, making fun of the people around us, dreaming big dreams, imagining ludicrous situations, and longing to see the world. And yet, in so many other ways, we've changed so much. We both feel 22...and I think we're both glad. We might feel a little sad, but it's ultimately a relief and a sign of us accepting (and hopefully embracing) the present. Last week, as we sat next to each other watching the sunrise after our spontaneous all-nighter at the beach, I felt content in the assurance of our friendship and what it means to me...we've sat at the beach in silence, in laughter and in deep conversation over the years, and somehow, I feel so certain that we'll both be able to continue doing that no matter how many changes the coming years will bring in our lives. Some things never change and for that I am grateful. -hugs you-
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