A new year

Sometimes I wonder how far I am from happiness, the feeling of contentment, or at least the knowledge that there is something to look forward to. The little instances of happiness and hope that truly make me feel alive come so rarely. Maybe that’s the beauty of it…in its rarity, there is greater appreciation.
Here I stand at the start of 2005…My blood screams for some kind of movement that is truly my own. Truly something I’m interested in. Too many thoughts and I’ve become a prisoner of my own judgments. I’m lost. What am I doing? I don't know.

Maybe what is confining is the constant pressure to be rational, to be sane, and it makes the alternative feel more vibrant, more real, more free. To be free of thoughts once in a while, that would be nice. To do something simply for the sake of doing it. To, in that moment, live for yourself alone. That moment belongs to you. That moment is you.